A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?' 'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.' 'Pet fish?' 'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em home.' 'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.' The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.' 'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!' The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?' 'Well, what?', says the redneck. The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?' 'Call who back?' 'The FISH', replied the warden! 'What fish?', replied the redneck.
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs. Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts. On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store….
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What were you thinking?
Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
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